I guess I'm doing as well keeping up this blog as my last one. In the times I really need to get words out, they just never come.
I return to work next week. I've been off for three months now. I work for possibly the most flexible company ever. And for as stressful financially as it was at first, we have been able to catch back up on all our bills recently and are starting saving for Christmas shopping.
I guess I should just say it, although it's been hard to place grips on. My mom, my rock...was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and kidney cancer. The tumor was taking up 25% of her lung. And she is continuously getting fluid around her heart, which they haven't found a cause for as of yet, but keep draining.
My mom is potentially dying. It was extremely hard to grip at first. Who would I turn to for help? Who would I call to brag about the awesome things going on for Viv in school? Selfishly, who would watch the girls for me so I could continue working?
Work gave me the option of taking personal leave for up to 12 weeks, and that's what I ended up doing. I've been able to take mom to appointments. Go with her wig shopping after she lost most of her hair during chemo. Take part of the first two months of Viv's kindergarten year.
Working with me with that, Amazon also was able to switch Jeff and me both back over to night shift, which he has been working about a month now. We'll be on opposite shifts, only working together one night a week. Since it's at night, my dad's willing to keep the girls for me, as he'll literally just have to give them a snack and plop them in front of the TV for 2.5-3.5 hours until they go to bed.
Things work out. As of the last X-ray she had, the doctors say her lungs are responding to the treatment. They haven't said much more than that, but it's progress. She doesn't cough as much anymore. Doesn't wheeze as much. But also doesn't do much at all, hardly gets off the couch. That's hard for me to see because she's always been such an active woman.
Viv seems to be adjusting well to school. She's learning to read. She's made quite a few friends, including a little boyfriend, Brice. He's a cute little boy; she went to his birthday party last month. He was allowed to invite three kids from his class, and she was the only girl he chose.
I babysit her new friend, Angelina, once a week for an hour after school. No pay, but it's fun for all three girls. Her mom's a single mom and comes from a similar situation as me. I really get along with her. Who would have thought kindergarten would have meant new friends for me as well?
Schylar's had some testing done as she still seems to struggle with learning. They were concerned about her thyroid, since this has been an ongoing issue since she was a baby. Her tests all came back normal though, so the doctors are saying she is either stubborn as heck, or has ADHD, which they can't diagnose until she's school-age.
So after our holiday season is over and we're back to normal schedules, I'll be looking into a preschool to try to help that issue. Then dance or gymnastics classes for the girls. Viv has signed up for Girl Scouts as well; we're waiting for the welcome paperwork for that.
Trying to allow her to test different things to see what she's interested in. I don't want to be like my parents and say "You HAVE to do this, and can't do ANYTHING else." I was always disappointed when my best friend went off to cheerleading and I wasn't allowed because I had soccer. Or when the kids were playing and I had to go to ballet class.
Jeff and I are good. I don't think I can even put into words how blessed I am to have him. He's my emotional rock, knows just what to do to make me forget the pain. But also gives me enough space that I can sort through everything myself. The girls love him, and some days I have to remind myself he really hasn't been there since conception, because it feels like he has.
He gets off work at 3AM. Since he can't drive yet, we get home from picking him up around 3:30. Girls and I go back to sleep. He stays up for when they wake up, stays up with them until about 9AM when he comes to bed and wakes me up. That's their daddy-daughters time. This morning they even convinced him to make M&M/candy corn pancakes for breakfast. It's nice, knowing he wants that time with them too, and not gonna lie, sleeping in is always a wonderful thing.
It's really amazing how much can change in just two years. Two years ago tonight, exactly, I was a single girl, not looking for anything but to have fun and focus on raising my two daughters. Got blown off by some friends and ended up at a party meeting all sorts of new people. Two years ago tonight, he was a crazy party boy who didn't want kids or marriage, who drove drunk to my friend's house after that party, complaining that his buddy was cock-blocking him and allowing me to sleep on the bigger couch even though he's at least half a foot taller than I. Who would have guessed that me taking pictures and needing to tag him on facebook, therefore requiring him to add me as a friend, would lead to this? That randomly, six months later, I would assist him in his driver's license suspension and that he would insist I hang out with him at a car show, because it had a playground the girls would have fun at. Within a month of that day he had taken us camping, where we had our first kiss. Met my family and friends, and suffered through buying Barbies for Viv's 4th birthday, therefore winning my attention and the title of boyfriend. A trip to the beach weeks later, and suddenly I have both children saying daddy and I'm saying "NO NO NO". But he said it's ok, so I started allowing it. And in that moment, he took my heart on a silver platter.
Because let's face it, there's two ways to win my heart, through my stomach and through my children. He's successfully satisfied both now over the last two years. We have survived moving between 2 states, and moving a total of 3 times at that. Him being homeless after returning from AL for four months. His jail time for the DUI, him losing his license till next year. My mom getting cancer, me leaving work for three months. Just the simple fact that I'm bipolar. Add two crazy kids on top of that. But I can't see it being any other way. Hopefully at some point in the near future he'll propose and we can move to the next step, but as long as I'm with him, I'm happy.
Monday, October 27, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
June 17, 2014
Why do weekends always end so quickly? I don't know how I ever survived with only two days off!!
Father's Day was this weekend. Without much extra money, we tried to do the best we could. I used the rest of my tax returns for most of it. Friday, Jeff and I left work at lunchtime for a little rendezvous by ourselves. We went to the local tattoo shop and each got two small tattoos. Then, I took him out to Red Robin for lunch.
On the actual holiday, the girls gave him their present, a jar full of Reese's Pieces that they'd written a note, "We love you to pieces daddy" and I officially gave him the deep fryer we'd purchased. After lunch, we went to see 22 Jump Street, and then spent most of the day Monday at the pool.
So relaxing. I really need to save up for pool passes. Although he burnt to a crisp (ginger problems!), the girls and I got a nice base tan.
The girls have been eating all weekend, which is a nice break. Usually they sit and stare at their food for an hour or two...this weekend, every meal, they've chowed down, and yelling has been at a minimal. So nice!! I'm apparently the "best cooker ever!"
They started summer camp today too. It's a small camp for our community only, so there's a handful of kids. But it's nice to give them the opportunity to meet other kids. Vivienne recognized one boy from her kindergarten prep class, so she made friends with him.
I'll be so glad once we're all caught up on bills. I know, shame on me for choosing recreation over paying bills. But for a holiday weekend...we all needed a break. It wouldn't have been such an issue catching up, had it not been for me missing the entire week of work because of my incident with my toe. I've emailed the grocery store in regards to the situation, currently awaiting their response. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they offered to reimburse my loss?! I know, that's getting hopeful. Probably could talk to a lawyer....maybe I will. We'll see how they respond first.
Father's Day was this weekend. Without much extra money, we tried to do the best we could. I used the rest of my tax returns for most of it. Friday, Jeff and I left work at lunchtime for a little rendezvous by ourselves. We went to the local tattoo shop and each got two small tattoos. Then, I took him out to Red Robin for lunch.
On the actual holiday, the girls gave him their present, a jar full of Reese's Pieces that they'd written a note, "We love you to pieces daddy" and I officially gave him the deep fryer we'd purchased. After lunch, we went to see 22 Jump Street, and then spent most of the day Monday at the pool.
So relaxing. I really need to save up for pool passes. Although he burnt to a crisp (ginger problems!), the girls and I got a nice base tan.
The girls have been eating all weekend, which is a nice break. Usually they sit and stare at their food for an hour or two...this weekend, every meal, they've chowed down, and yelling has been at a minimal. So nice!! I'm apparently the "best cooker ever!"
They started summer camp today too. It's a small camp for our community only, so there's a handful of kids. But it's nice to give them the opportunity to meet other kids. Vivienne recognized one boy from her kindergarten prep class, so she made friends with him.
I'll be so glad once we're all caught up on bills. I know, shame on me for choosing recreation over paying bills. But for a holiday weekend...we all needed a break. It wouldn't have been such an issue catching up, had it not been for me missing the entire week of work because of my incident with my toe. I've emailed the grocery store in regards to the situation, currently awaiting their response. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they offered to reimburse my loss?! I know, that's getting hopeful. Probably could talk to a lawyer....maybe I will. We'll see how they respond first.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
June 5, 2014
I feel helpless at this point. And stressed to the max. Where is that money tree growing around here?
Sunday, I did our regular grocery shopping, and as I'm putting away groceries, the bag rips. Needless to say, the 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew inside managed to do a good job of injuring my big toe. So much so that after two hours of crying and defrosting all the frozen vegetables in the house in lieu of an ice bag, we took a trip to the ER.
After X-rays and Vicodin, I was informed that unfortunately it wasn't broken. Worse, I had a deep contusion on my toe, which would be more painful healing and would take longer. They recommended I have off work for a week.
Well, I don't have that money tree growing in my yard, as previously mentioned. We live well, but we're still paycheck to paycheck. We're not "poor." We are the working middle class. I have a pre-owned Jeep, but still a very nice car (when it's not breaking down on me). We live in a nice neighborhood (although we rent). We have smart phones and cable. Only occasionally do we need to get Hamburger Helper to make sure we're all fed for the week.
But can we afford to take half of my paycheck for missing a week? No, not at all. So I went into work yesterday, showing my note but saying that I could do something stationery, like working on the pack lines to ship out the orders. My manager agrees, but said I need to get the EMT and HR department to sign off on it. As soon as the medical department saw my note, they said I would have to go back to my doctor and have them list if I have any restrictions or not.
So I took the day off yesterday to do so. Went to the doctor at 2:00PM, she laughed and asked if I even wanted to work when I couldn't walk right, but understood and signed off that I had limited restrictions. Immediately fax the paper in...and wait.
Picked my boyfriend up from work at 6:00PM, still hadn't gotten an answer. So today when I dropped him off, I made sure he took the original papers in. By his first break, I hadn't heard from HR, so I called and left a message. They called back shortly before lunch and said they did receive it, but it usually takes a day or two to process what my restrictions would be.
In other words, it sounds like I'll be taking the whole week off without pay until they figure this out. That's what I get for being honest.
Boyfriend isn't feeling good. I feel bad because he has to work otherwise we have no money.
Cleaned up the house a bit to try to feel useful.
Got irritated and chopped half of my hair off. I've been trying to get to the salon for weeks because my split ends were getting frizzy and out of control. They are only open four hours on Sunday, and that's really my only day to get stuff done with my work schedule. So today, after struggling five minutes against a hairbrush, I put it up in a ponytail, grabbed the kitchen scissors, and cut straight across where the split ends started. I'm fairly certain I just lost ten inches.
My little ladies are napping. I'm not going to lie, I am very happy that at 3 and 5 years old, they cherish naptime. It's mommy's sanity time!! Schylar will sleep for four hours if you let her; Vivienne usually only naps an hour or two. I guess that will have to stop come September; she's taking the big step into kindergarten.
I swore I'd never be ready for this day, but somehow I went from thinking she was far behind, to her learning everything she needed in a month and now we've gotten to the point that I'm teaching her addition and subtraction already. The main thing she struggles with is phonetics. Putting sounds to letters. I've signed them up for ABCMouse.com, hoping that will help.
Schylar...teaching her is a nightmare. I feel like such a horrible parent, but at three years old she doesn't know her colors yet. At first I was concerned that maybe she was color-blind. But after buying flash cards and telling her to match up all the same colors, she did it without issue. She just doesn't want to learn that red is red, blue is blue. She loves green and pink, but sometimes she doesn't even get those right. Any suggestions?
Sunday, I did our regular grocery shopping, and as I'm putting away groceries, the bag rips. Needless to say, the 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew inside managed to do a good job of injuring my big toe. So much so that after two hours of crying and defrosting all the frozen vegetables in the house in lieu of an ice bag, we took a trip to the ER.
After X-rays and Vicodin, I was informed that unfortunately it wasn't broken. Worse, I had a deep contusion on my toe, which would be more painful healing and would take longer. They recommended I have off work for a week.
Well, I don't have that money tree growing in my yard, as previously mentioned. We live well, but we're still paycheck to paycheck. We're not "poor." We are the working middle class. I have a pre-owned Jeep, but still a very nice car (when it's not breaking down on me). We live in a nice neighborhood (although we rent). We have smart phones and cable. Only occasionally do we need to get Hamburger Helper to make sure we're all fed for the week.
But can we afford to take half of my paycheck for missing a week? No, not at all. So I went into work yesterday, showing my note but saying that I could do something stationery, like working on the pack lines to ship out the orders. My manager agrees, but said I need to get the EMT and HR department to sign off on it. As soon as the medical department saw my note, they said I would have to go back to my doctor and have them list if I have any restrictions or not.
So I took the day off yesterday to do so. Went to the doctor at 2:00PM, she laughed and asked if I even wanted to work when I couldn't walk right, but understood and signed off that I had limited restrictions. Immediately fax the paper in...and wait.
Picked my boyfriend up from work at 6:00PM, still hadn't gotten an answer. So today when I dropped him off, I made sure he took the original papers in. By his first break, I hadn't heard from HR, so I called and left a message. They called back shortly before lunch and said they did receive it, but it usually takes a day or two to process what my restrictions would be.
In other words, it sounds like I'll be taking the whole week off without pay until they figure this out. That's what I get for being honest.
Boyfriend isn't feeling good. I feel bad because he has to work otherwise we have no money.
Cleaned up the house a bit to try to feel useful.
Got irritated and chopped half of my hair off. I've been trying to get to the salon for weeks because my split ends were getting frizzy and out of control. They are only open four hours on Sunday, and that's really my only day to get stuff done with my work schedule. So today, after struggling five minutes against a hairbrush, I put it up in a ponytail, grabbed the kitchen scissors, and cut straight across where the split ends started. I'm fairly certain I just lost ten inches.
My little ladies are napping. I'm not going to lie, I am very happy that at 3 and 5 years old, they cherish naptime. It's mommy's sanity time!! Schylar will sleep for four hours if you let her; Vivienne usually only naps an hour or two. I guess that will have to stop come September; she's taking the big step into kindergarten.
I swore I'd never be ready for this day, but somehow I went from thinking she was far behind, to her learning everything she needed in a month and now we've gotten to the point that I'm teaching her addition and subtraction already. The main thing she struggles with is phonetics. Putting sounds to letters. I've signed them up for ABCMouse.com, hoping that will help.
Schylar...teaching her is a nightmare. I feel like such a horrible parent, but at three years old she doesn't know her colors yet. At first I was concerned that maybe she was color-blind. But after buying flash cards and telling her to match up all the same colors, she did it without issue. She just doesn't want to learn that red is red, blue is blue. She loves green and pink, but sometimes she doesn't even get those right. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Introduction to Me
I'm a transplant from OpenDiary. My last entry on there was five months ago. It's hard to believe they've been shut down that long, and I've managed to live without a blog. I've been writing in diaries since I was 6 years old. I joined OD when I was 15, and wrote semi-regularly until a few months ago. I was fortunate that I logged on and saw the shutting-down notice, and was able to save my years of writing from there. Eventually, I may transfer them here; they're a bit more private.
Since this is a starting over, I guess I need to start at the beginning. My name is Chrissi. I grew up in a small town in central Pennsylvania. My parents have lived at the same address my entire life (25 years at the present). I was desperate to grow up quickly, when I should have been indulging in my youth.
My dad lost his job my freshman year in high school. The trucking company he had worked at for over thirty years filed bankruptcy. The following summer, a month after my 15th birthday, his coworkers had a cook-out to get together and catch up. The gentleman that hosted it also invited his brother's family. His nephew was also 15. We spent the day talking, and exchanged phone numbers, even though he had a girlfriend. Within two weeks, he had broken up with her, and we became official.
During the next nine months, we became quite close. He was my first love, and although his parents grew to despise me, we made it through, and he proposed on Valentine's Day. Within a few short months, we chose to expand our family, and got pregnant. I celebrated my sweet 16 telling the world I was 4 weeks pregnant.
Audrey Ellen was born March 13, 2005 at 5:17PM. She surprised us all by weighing 9lb 15.8oz and was 22.5 inches long. Perfect health. The next months were rough in our relationship. We were young, and neither of us could drive, so we depended on our parents for a lot. My parents were supportive of me. When our daughter was six months old, his parents chose to move to the other end of the country, leaving him no choice but to go with. We were barely holding on to a thin rope; his move broke us. I tried to stay in contact, but his parents did not allow me to call their house. The one time I needed to, as there was an issue with our daughter, I called only to find out he had moved on with someone else.
They moved back to Pennsylvania permanently right before Audrey's first birthday. I ignored the past, and tried to push forward for the sake of my daughter. But things felt off. Shortly after her birthday, I tricked him into admitting he had been cheating on me. That was the final straw for me. We broke up, and I focused on finishing my senior year in high school.
After graduation, my friends hooked me up with a mutual friend who had been crushing on me. We started dating, and he stood by my side as I took Audrey's father to court to request he sign off of his legal rights, which he willingly did.
This relationship may have been a rebound, but it was a long-term relationship, lasting over a year. What I needed to move past the baby daddy, basically.
When we broke up, I was hurt. Audrey was 2.5 at that point, and had grown to know this gentleman as daddy. My parents took me on vacation as a way to cheer me up. That trip would forever change my life. We went to our normal spot, Myrtle Beach, SC. Our family has a friend there that's an entertainer. He invited us to his show, and after the finale, met us in the lobby to introduce us to the other stars. And at that point, he introduced the bartender, Jason, to me. We ended up exchanging numbers, and a few days passed before I received a phone call asking if I'd like to go for dinner.
My parents agreed to watch Audrey, so I went. A nice dinner, a movie, and a night-time walk on the beach. Things hit off well, we had a lot in common. The next day he came over after work, went out to dinner with my family, and then him and I took Audrey to the amusement park as it was our last night at the beach.
We talked every day after I left. We officially started dating, and a month later he flew up to PA for a week. When I drove down to visit him over Thanksgiving, he gave Audrey a ring and she asked me if I would marry Jason. He flew up once more over Christmas. After that, we decided it would be cheaper for Audrey and I to move to SC, and we did, in February 2008. I was able to stay home with Audrey for three months. I started working for the UPS Store the week of Memorial Day.
On June 19, 2008, amongst our families and a close friend of mine, I became Mrs. Marshall. He started a new career, I got a promotion at work. Things were only looking up for us. We decided we were ready for another child, and almost immediately I became pregnant with my second child. Audrey was ecstatic! She could not wait to be a big sister. She was always talking about the baby and asking how the baby was.
The holidays started rolling around, and I became quite busy at work. Even though I was pregnant, I was still assistant manager of the store, and therefore was there from open to close everyday, 6 days a week. My time with Audrey was slim. On December 18, 2008, my alarm didn't go off. I was rushing out the door, leaving her with her step-father to be taken to the babysitter's. She never made it. I received a call around 1:00PM. "Audrey's fallen, she's not responding to me." I told him to take her to the hospital, I would meet him there. I left my store with only one employee in it and rushed to the ER.
She was unconscious when I arrived. To be able to put a breathing tube in her, the doctors had to put her in a medical coma. They took her for a CAT scan, which showed she had a small amount of blood gathering at the back of her brain. They did not have neurosurgeon on site, so she would have to be flown to either Florence or Charleston. Charleston did not have beds available, so she was sent to Florence. We both rushed back to our house to grab spare clothes and some of her beloved toys, then drove to Florence SC.
When we were admitted to the ER there, Audrey was showing signs of coming around. Her eyes would follow you when you moved, if you squeezed her hand she would squeeze back. The nurses and doctors said this was a good sign.
She was transported up to PICU and after visiting for several hours, the nurses recommended we get a hotel room nearby and try to rest up. We did as they said, and at 6:00AM on December 19, 2008, I received a phone call that would forever change my life. "Audrey has taken a turn for the worse. You need to come in." We rushed right in. Before even making it to her bedside, the doctor stopped us. During the night, her heart rate had spiked. They immediately did a CAT scan and discovered the pressure had started building up in her brain. The neurosurgeon drilled a small hole to release the pressure, but the damage had been done. Her blood stopped flowing to her cerebellum, which would leave her a vegetable. She would never recover.
I fell, begging God to take me instead. I sat by her side for the next hour and slowly watched her heart rate drop. The nurses turned off the monitors in her room, noticing I was watching them every second. Around 7:00AM, the doctor came in and started unhooking her, announcing her death.
We took our time to get home. I was in no rush to be in the house, the last place my daughter had been alive. And then the police arrived. They questioned us together, then drove us both to the station "to get our statements."
It was well after midnight till the officers came in and said, "Print out the hallway photos that were taken. He finally admitted it didn't happen the way he said it did." I was in utter shock. Within an hour, the detective came in, and while handcuffing me, he advised me that Jason admitted to pushing Audrey into the hallway wall. He also admitted to previous times of abusing her, and I was being arrested for child neglect because I'd allowed her to be in the house alone with him.
Had I known what he was doing to her, I would have left him in a heartbeat.
I sat in J. Reuben Long Detention Center for three days. My bail was set at $100,000. My parents were finally able to get their money from their PA bank account and get me out, right before Christmas. I was 20 weeks pregnant.
I had Audrey cremated, and it was completed after the New Year. My lawyer petitioned the courts that I may return to PA with my parents. They agreed as long as I called my bail bondsman once a week.
After returning to PA, I was able to get to a clinic to get an ultrasound. The only thing I had left was the baby in my belly, and the ultrasound tech advised me it looked like a boy.
Two more ultrasounds by my regular doctor confirmed that yes, I was expecting a son. A son I had to fight for. Children and Youth had already become involved, and were at first threatening to take my child. My lawyer squashed that real quick, advising that I lived with my parents. I was nervous going into the hospital on the night of May 12, 2009 to be induced. I had tested positive on my group b strep test, so they needed to control my labor for 8 hours while antibiotics were administered. At 8:28 AM on May 13, 2009 I was given a huge shock. As the baby came out, my midwife exclaimed, "Uh oh! OMG!" Immediately putting me under stress of course. Then she added, "Vincent's not a Vincent! This is a baby girl!" The little boy I was expecting, quickly had become Vivienne Ellen, my second daughter. She was born weighing 8 lb 11 oz and was 20.5 inches.
I fought tooth and nail with C&Y after her birth. I wasn't allowed to be alone with her for the first couple months. They finally realized I was a good parent, and after completing a few months of counseling, months of parenting classes, in-home evaluations, they finally closed their case against me and said there was no concerns.
It took the state of SC a little longer to realize that. They had all the evidence that I wasn't there, and that I didn't know. I had even passed a lie detector test for them. They held the charges over my head though, awaiting the trial for Jason. They wanted to make sure I wouldn't back out and not speak against him. He accepted a plea bargain in August 2010. Vivienne was a year old. I had filed divorce from Jason. Gotten back together with Audrey's father. And was expecting my third child. Oops.
My charges were dropped almost immediately after Jason was sentenced, almost two full years after being arrested and falsely imprisoned. He accepted a plea of inflicting injury on a child and was sentenced to the maximum....20 years. He will be eligible for parole after 17 years, when our daughter will be 16. No, I am not the happiest about this.
The rest is a short downhill slope. I gave birth to my third daughter, Schylar Ellen on February 5, 2011 at 12:23PM. She came three weeks early, weighing in a 9lb 8 oz and 20.5 inches. She was a big one!
When she was about five months old, her father and I moved in together. We got married in September 2012. After choking me out, and threatening to kill the girls and I with the shot gun he kept in the house, I called police and filed a PFA. Although both him and his mother lied on the stand, the judge saw threw their act and granted me a three-year PFA, still active through next year.
Months later, he was also sentenced in a criminal court to two years probation and no contact with our daughter.
After that, I looked out for myself and my daughters. I dated occasionally, nothing ever serious. I spent time with my friends, the ones who mattered. It was through a friend I met my current boyfriend, out of pure chance. We had these big plans for Halloween, and everyone else involved had backed out. Her and I ended up at a friend of hers' house; he had lured us by saying he invited some of his military buddies. She liked the one guy, but he had been driven by his friend. Being the good friend I was, I played wingman and started talking to the friend for her. We ended up convincing them to follow us back to her house for the night. It was a fun night, and I ended up adding the guy on Facebook.
Throughout the months, we 'liked' random posts by the other, but never any real communication. My friend and his friend had dated, but broken up. In April I saw him posting about losing his license, and since I worked in that department for the state, I offered advice. It ended up in a conversation, and a phone number exchange. We texted each other a couple weeks, and then he invited me to a car meet with some of his buddies...and my kids were welcome to come, because there was a park nearby.
We went. He introduced me to all his friends, but never excluded me. We actually left the meet and took my girls to the park so they could play. I enjoyed his company and conversation so much that I didn't want it to end, but it looked like rain. I invited him to follow me to McDonald's, where we had $1 cheeseburgers and took our time eating. He made me feel happy, and it had been a long time since I'd felt that way.
We started dating a few weeks later, the day of Vivienne's 4th birthday party. He had met all my family, and one of my good friends. They all approved. At the end of May, he came on vacation with us. Sure it was quick, but it was a good way to know if he was worth keeping around. One week of not being able to sleep in, dealing with the two girls and me. Plus, the whole 8-hour car trip. On our first night down there I admitted I had fallen in love with him.
And that's how it's been since. We started dating in May. Started working together in July. Moved to Alabama together in September. Moved back to PA in November. He was "homeless" officially, staying on his buddy's couch. But he did it to be with us. We got our own apartment in March, and while money and being together 24/7 sometimes cause us to fight, I wouldn't have it any other way. He's my rock. My best friend. And hopefully one day I'll be able to say my lucky #3.
Since this is a starting over, I guess I need to start at the beginning. My name is Chrissi. I grew up in a small town in central Pennsylvania. My parents have lived at the same address my entire life (25 years at the present). I was desperate to grow up quickly, when I should have been indulging in my youth.
My dad lost his job my freshman year in high school. The trucking company he had worked at for over thirty years filed bankruptcy. The following summer, a month after my 15th birthday, his coworkers had a cook-out to get together and catch up. The gentleman that hosted it also invited his brother's family. His nephew was also 15. We spent the day talking, and exchanged phone numbers, even though he had a girlfriend. Within two weeks, he had broken up with her, and we became official.
During the next nine months, we became quite close. He was my first love, and although his parents grew to despise me, we made it through, and he proposed on Valentine's Day. Within a few short months, we chose to expand our family, and got pregnant. I celebrated my sweet 16 telling the world I was 4 weeks pregnant.
Audrey Ellen was born March 13, 2005 at 5:17PM. She surprised us all by weighing 9lb 15.8oz and was 22.5 inches long. Perfect health. The next months were rough in our relationship. We were young, and neither of us could drive, so we depended on our parents for a lot. My parents were supportive of me. When our daughter was six months old, his parents chose to move to the other end of the country, leaving him no choice but to go with. We were barely holding on to a thin rope; his move broke us. I tried to stay in contact, but his parents did not allow me to call their house. The one time I needed to, as there was an issue with our daughter, I called only to find out he had moved on with someone else.
They moved back to Pennsylvania permanently right before Audrey's first birthday. I ignored the past, and tried to push forward for the sake of my daughter. But things felt off. Shortly after her birthday, I tricked him into admitting he had been cheating on me. That was the final straw for me. We broke up, and I focused on finishing my senior year in high school.
After graduation, my friends hooked me up with a mutual friend who had been crushing on me. We started dating, and he stood by my side as I took Audrey's father to court to request he sign off of his legal rights, which he willingly did.
This relationship may have been a rebound, but it was a long-term relationship, lasting over a year. What I needed to move past the baby daddy, basically.
When we broke up, I was hurt. Audrey was 2.5 at that point, and had grown to know this gentleman as daddy. My parents took me on vacation as a way to cheer me up. That trip would forever change my life. We went to our normal spot, Myrtle Beach, SC. Our family has a friend there that's an entertainer. He invited us to his show, and after the finale, met us in the lobby to introduce us to the other stars. And at that point, he introduced the bartender, Jason, to me. We ended up exchanging numbers, and a few days passed before I received a phone call asking if I'd like to go for dinner.
My parents agreed to watch Audrey, so I went. A nice dinner, a movie, and a night-time walk on the beach. Things hit off well, we had a lot in common. The next day he came over after work, went out to dinner with my family, and then him and I took Audrey to the amusement park as it was our last night at the beach.
We talked every day after I left. We officially started dating, and a month later he flew up to PA for a week. When I drove down to visit him over Thanksgiving, he gave Audrey a ring and she asked me if I would marry Jason. He flew up once more over Christmas. After that, we decided it would be cheaper for Audrey and I to move to SC, and we did, in February 2008. I was able to stay home with Audrey for three months. I started working for the UPS Store the week of Memorial Day.
On June 19, 2008, amongst our families and a close friend of mine, I became Mrs. Marshall. He started a new career, I got a promotion at work. Things were only looking up for us. We decided we were ready for another child, and almost immediately I became pregnant with my second child. Audrey was ecstatic! She could not wait to be a big sister. She was always talking about the baby and asking how the baby was.
The holidays started rolling around, and I became quite busy at work. Even though I was pregnant, I was still assistant manager of the store, and therefore was there from open to close everyday, 6 days a week. My time with Audrey was slim. On December 18, 2008, my alarm didn't go off. I was rushing out the door, leaving her with her step-father to be taken to the babysitter's. She never made it. I received a call around 1:00PM. "Audrey's fallen, she's not responding to me." I told him to take her to the hospital, I would meet him there. I left my store with only one employee in it and rushed to the ER.
She was unconscious when I arrived. To be able to put a breathing tube in her, the doctors had to put her in a medical coma. They took her for a CAT scan, which showed she had a small amount of blood gathering at the back of her brain. They did not have neurosurgeon on site, so she would have to be flown to either Florence or Charleston. Charleston did not have beds available, so she was sent to Florence. We both rushed back to our house to grab spare clothes and some of her beloved toys, then drove to Florence SC.
When we were admitted to the ER there, Audrey was showing signs of coming around. Her eyes would follow you when you moved, if you squeezed her hand she would squeeze back. The nurses and doctors said this was a good sign.
She was transported up to PICU and after visiting for several hours, the nurses recommended we get a hotel room nearby and try to rest up. We did as they said, and at 6:00AM on December 19, 2008, I received a phone call that would forever change my life. "Audrey has taken a turn for the worse. You need to come in." We rushed right in. Before even making it to her bedside, the doctor stopped us. During the night, her heart rate had spiked. They immediately did a CAT scan and discovered the pressure had started building up in her brain. The neurosurgeon drilled a small hole to release the pressure, but the damage had been done. Her blood stopped flowing to her cerebellum, which would leave her a vegetable. She would never recover.
I fell, begging God to take me instead. I sat by her side for the next hour and slowly watched her heart rate drop. The nurses turned off the monitors in her room, noticing I was watching them every second. Around 7:00AM, the doctor came in and started unhooking her, announcing her death.
We took our time to get home. I was in no rush to be in the house, the last place my daughter had been alive. And then the police arrived. They questioned us together, then drove us both to the station "to get our statements."
It was well after midnight till the officers came in and said, "Print out the hallway photos that were taken. He finally admitted it didn't happen the way he said it did." I was in utter shock. Within an hour, the detective came in, and while handcuffing me, he advised me that Jason admitted to pushing Audrey into the hallway wall. He also admitted to previous times of abusing her, and I was being arrested for child neglect because I'd allowed her to be in the house alone with him.
Had I known what he was doing to her, I would have left him in a heartbeat.
I sat in J. Reuben Long Detention Center for three days. My bail was set at $100,000. My parents were finally able to get their money from their PA bank account and get me out, right before Christmas. I was 20 weeks pregnant.
I had Audrey cremated, and it was completed after the New Year. My lawyer petitioned the courts that I may return to PA with my parents. They agreed as long as I called my bail bondsman once a week.
After returning to PA, I was able to get to a clinic to get an ultrasound. The only thing I had left was the baby in my belly, and the ultrasound tech advised me it looked like a boy.
Two more ultrasounds by my regular doctor confirmed that yes, I was expecting a son. A son I had to fight for. Children and Youth had already become involved, and were at first threatening to take my child. My lawyer squashed that real quick, advising that I lived with my parents. I was nervous going into the hospital on the night of May 12, 2009 to be induced. I had tested positive on my group b strep test, so they needed to control my labor for 8 hours while antibiotics were administered. At 8:28 AM on May 13, 2009 I was given a huge shock. As the baby came out, my midwife exclaimed, "Uh oh! OMG!" Immediately putting me under stress of course. Then she added, "Vincent's not a Vincent! This is a baby girl!" The little boy I was expecting, quickly had become Vivienne Ellen, my second daughter. She was born weighing 8 lb 11 oz and was 20.5 inches.
I fought tooth and nail with C&Y after her birth. I wasn't allowed to be alone with her for the first couple months. They finally realized I was a good parent, and after completing a few months of counseling, months of parenting classes, in-home evaluations, they finally closed their case against me and said there was no concerns.
It took the state of SC a little longer to realize that. They had all the evidence that I wasn't there, and that I didn't know. I had even passed a lie detector test for them. They held the charges over my head though, awaiting the trial for Jason. They wanted to make sure I wouldn't back out and not speak against him. He accepted a plea bargain in August 2010. Vivienne was a year old. I had filed divorce from Jason. Gotten back together with Audrey's father. And was expecting my third child. Oops.
My charges were dropped almost immediately after Jason was sentenced, almost two full years after being arrested and falsely imprisoned. He accepted a plea of inflicting injury on a child and was sentenced to the maximum....20 years. He will be eligible for parole after 17 years, when our daughter will be 16. No, I am not the happiest about this.
The rest is a short downhill slope. I gave birth to my third daughter, Schylar Ellen on February 5, 2011 at 12:23PM. She came three weeks early, weighing in a 9lb 8 oz and 20.5 inches. She was a big one!
When she was about five months old, her father and I moved in together. We got married in September 2012. After choking me out, and threatening to kill the girls and I with the shot gun he kept in the house, I called police and filed a PFA. Although both him and his mother lied on the stand, the judge saw threw their act and granted me a three-year PFA, still active through next year.
Months later, he was also sentenced in a criminal court to two years probation and no contact with our daughter.
After that, I looked out for myself and my daughters. I dated occasionally, nothing ever serious. I spent time with my friends, the ones who mattered. It was through a friend I met my current boyfriend, out of pure chance. We had these big plans for Halloween, and everyone else involved had backed out. Her and I ended up at a friend of hers' house; he had lured us by saying he invited some of his military buddies. She liked the one guy, but he had been driven by his friend. Being the good friend I was, I played wingman and started talking to the friend for her. We ended up convincing them to follow us back to her house for the night. It was a fun night, and I ended up adding the guy on Facebook.
Throughout the months, we 'liked' random posts by the other, but never any real communication. My friend and his friend had dated, but broken up. In April I saw him posting about losing his license, and since I worked in that department for the state, I offered advice. It ended up in a conversation, and a phone number exchange. We texted each other a couple weeks, and then he invited me to a car meet with some of his buddies...and my kids were welcome to come, because there was a park nearby.
We went. He introduced me to all his friends, but never excluded me. We actually left the meet and took my girls to the park so they could play. I enjoyed his company and conversation so much that I didn't want it to end, but it looked like rain. I invited him to follow me to McDonald's, where we had $1 cheeseburgers and took our time eating. He made me feel happy, and it had been a long time since I'd felt that way.
We started dating a few weeks later, the day of Vivienne's 4th birthday party. He had met all my family, and one of my good friends. They all approved. At the end of May, he came on vacation with us. Sure it was quick, but it was a good way to know if he was worth keeping around. One week of not being able to sleep in, dealing with the two girls and me. Plus, the whole 8-hour car trip. On our first night down there I admitted I had fallen in love with him.
And that's how it's been since. We started dating in May. Started working together in July. Moved to Alabama together in September. Moved back to PA in November. He was "homeless" officially, staying on his buddy's couch. But he did it to be with us. We got our own apartment in March, and while money and being together 24/7 sometimes cause us to fight, I wouldn't have it any other way. He's my rock. My best friend. And hopefully one day I'll be able to say my lucky #3.
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