I guess I'm doing as well keeping up this blog as my last one. In the times I really need to get words out, they just never come.
I return to work next week. I've been off for three months now. I work for possibly the most flexible company ever. And for as stressful financially as it was at first, we have been able to catch back up on all our bills recently and are starting saving for Christmas shopping.
I guess I should just say it, although it's been hard to place grips on. My mom, my rock...was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and kidney cancer. The tumor was taking up 25% of her lung. And she is continuously getting fluid around her heart, which they haven't found a cause for as of yet, but keep draining.
My mom is potentially dying. It was extremely hard to grip at first. Who would I turn to for help? Who would I call to brag about the awesome things going on for Viv in school? Selfishly, who would watch the girls for me so I could continue working?
Work gave me the option of taking personal leave for up to 12 weeks, and that's what I ended up doing. I've been able to take mom to appointments. Go with her wig shopping after she lost most of her hair during chemo. Take part of the first two months of Viv's kindergarten year.
Working with me with that, Amazon also was able to switch Jeff and me both back over to night shift, which he has been working about a month now. We'll be on opposite shifts, only working together one night a week. Since it's at night, my dad's willing to keep the girls for me, as he'll literally just have to give them a snack and plop them in front of the TV for 2.5-3.5 hours until they go to bed.
Things work out. As of the last X-ray she had, the doctors say her lungs are responding to the treatment. They haven't said much more than that, but it's progress. She doesn't cough as much anymore. Doesn't wheeze as much. But also doesn't do much at all, hardly gets off the couch. That's hard for me to see because she's always been such an active woman.
Viv seems to be adjusting well to school. She's learning to read. She's made quite a few friends, including a little boyfriend, Brice. He's a cute little boy; she went to his birthday party last month. He was allowed to invite three kids from his class, and she was the only girl he chose.
I babysit her new friend, Angelina, once a week for an hour after school. No pay, but it's fun for all three girls. Her mom's a single mom and comes from a similar situation as me. I really get along with her. Who would have thought kindergarten would have meant new friends for me as well?
Schylar's had some testing done as she still seems to struggle with learning. They were concerned about her thyroid, since this has been an ongoing issue since she was a baby. Her tests all came back normal though, so the doctors are saying she is either stubborn as heck, or has ADHD, which they can't diagnose until she's school-age.
So after our holiday season is over and we're back to normal schedules, I'll be looking into a preschool to try to help that issue. Then dance or gymnastics classes for the girls. Viv has signed up for Girl Scouts as well; we're waiting for the welcome paperwork for that.
Trying to allow her to test different things to see what she's interested in. I don't want to be like my parents and say "You HAVE to do this, and can't do ANYTHING else." I was always disappointed when my best friend went off to cheerleading and I wasn't allowed because I had soccer. Or when the kids were playing and I had to go to ballet class.
Jeff and I are good. I don't think I can even put into words how blessed I am to have him. He's my emotional rock, knows just what to do to make me forget the pain. But also gives me enough space that I can sort through everything myself. The girls love him, and some days I have to remind myself he really hasn't been there since conception, because it feels like he has.
He gets off work at 3AM. Since he can't drive yet, we get home from picking him up around 3:30. Girls and I go back to sleep. He stays up for when they wake up, stays up with them until about 9AM when he comes to bed and wakes me up. That's their daddy-daughters time. This morning they even convinced him to make M&M/candy corn pancakes for breakfast. It's nice, knowing he wants that time with them too, and not gonna lie, sleeping in is always a wonderful thing.
It's really amazing how much can change in just two years. Two years ago tonight, exactly, I was a single girl, not looking for anything but to have fun and focus on raising my two daughters. Got blown off by some friends and ended up at a party meeting all sorts of new people. Two years ago tonight, he was a crazy party boy who didn't want kids or marriage, who drove drunk to my friend's house after that party, complaining that his buddy was cock-blocking him and allowing me to sleep on the bigger couch even though he's at least half a foot taller than I. Who would have guessed that me taking pictures and needing to tag him on facebook, therefore requiring him to add me as a friend, would lead to this? That randomly, six months later, I would assist him in his driver's license suspension and that he would insist I hang out with him at a car show, because it had a playground the girls would have fun at. Within a month of that day he had taken us camping, where we had our first kiss. Met my family and friends, and suffered through buying Barbies for Viv's 4th birthday, therefore winning my attention and the title of boyfriend. A trip to the beach weeks later, and suddenly I have both children saying daddy and I'm saying "NO NO NO". But he said it's ok, so I started allowing it. And in that moment, he took my heart on a silver platter.
Because let's face it, there's two ways to win my heart, through my stomach and through my children. He's successfully satisfied both now over the last two years. We have survived moving between 2 states, and moving a total of 3 times at that. Him being homeless after returning from AL for four months. His jail time for the DUI, him losing his license till next year. My mom getting cancer, me leaving work for three months. Just the simple fact that I'm bipolar. Add two crazy kids on top of that. But I can't see it being any other way. Hopefully at some point in the near future he'll propose and we can move to the next step, but as long as I'm with him, I'm happy.
