Young Love

We've had quite the weekend!  Had an amazing time at Hershey Park on Saturday.  We were so fortunate the rain cleared out.  Just a little chilly with the high only in the 50's, which wouldn't have been bad but it was very windy.  We stayed a good 7 hours though and had plenty of rides!
My children are so much braver than I thought.  Schylar got on her first EVER roller coaster, and Viv got on her second coaster, first non-wooden one.

Yes, the Super Dooper Looper!  They are both Peanut Butter Cups, so they met the minimum ride requirements to get on.  Schy rode with Uncle Rich, Viv rode with Aunt Alicia (and since I got ditched, I stood off to the side taking pictures before the ride started lol).

Viv LOVED it instantly.  Schy was terrified, got off saying, "It was horrible, let's do it again!"  I don't think she knows what the word horrible means lol.
After riding that, Viv's boyfriend and his parents got to the park, so we met up with them.  The kids had a BLAST riding together.  Bryce is very social and includes Schylar in everything, which is so nice because as a parent, I know Viv will have friends and will not always want her sister to tag along, but those that include her sister are a special treat.

Viv is definitely not my kid when it comes to some rides.  She wanted to get on this one and my stomach just said NO lol.  Bryce's mom, Jackie, volunteered to get on with her.  She said my crazy child laughed hysterically the whole time, loving it.  This is the ride.

The picture on the right, if you look in the red cart to the left, you can see my crazy girl in the pink coat trying to lean over and see out the side.  At least I don't have to worry about her being afraid of heights!
It was such a fun time though.  We originally had planned to leave the park around 6, and swing by McDonald's on the way out so we didn't spend an arm and a leg on food in the park.  We all got along so well, Bryce's parents actually offered to buy dinner in the park for all of us so the kids could continue playing.  On the way to get pizza, we passed the karaoke stand and Bryce asked Vivienne to dance, then danced with Schy, then Viv again.
He proceeds to tell Vivienne, "I could marry anyone I want, but I wanna marry you."  He asked his mom and me if we could all sit at a separate table at the pizza place so they could have a date (we allowed it).  He asked his mom if she thought it was a good place to kiss (she said no).  As we were going through Chocolate World, right before we left he told me he loved her.  And in the gift shop he saw a little keychain and was like, "I should have brought my piggy bank money, I wanna buy this for her!"
The innocence and purity behind it is so sweet.  I'm sure in 10 years I'll feel differently when a boy asks if he can take my daughter for pizza, but for now it's so cute.  You can't deny it.

Not to Brag

But...well, okay I'm going to.  I had a fantastic day, which doesn't happen often.
Woke up and did my weekly measurements.  Found even more progress!  Down a total of 10.25 inches and four pounds total.  Although 1/4 of my weight loss has come from my boobs, which saddens me.  It's probably a good thing I didn't measure my butt or this weight loss business would send me into a depression lol.

STARTING:                    AFTER 1 WEEK:                    AFTER 2 WEEKS:
Weight:  166                     164                                              162
Left Arm:  13"                  13"                                               13"
Right Arm:  13"                13.5"                                            13"
Bust:  37"                          36"                                               35"
Belly:  35"                         33"                                               32"
Hips:  39"                          38"                                               37.5"
Left Thigh:  25.5"             24"                                               23.5"
Right Thigh:  25.5"           24.5"                                            24.5"
Left Calf:  16"                   16.5"                                            16.25"
Right Calf:  17"                 16.5"                                            16"

Jeff's best man came over last weekend and he finally got to ask/tell him.  Our wedding party is officially set.  He LOVED Jeff's ring, thought it was awesome.  He's all on board for the wedding.  I found it quite funny, he drove an hour to our house to chill, him and Jeff went on a beer run and watched Frozen with the girls.  Ah, what grown men do on a crazy Saturday night eh?
Today was the start of a short Easter break.  Viv's little "boyfriend" had asked yesterday if her and Schy could come over and play, I said to have his mom call me.  We ended up going over there around 2:00, the kids played hard and before we knew it, it was after 6:00!  They were jumping on the trampoline, driving the Gator around, playing Xbox, just having a good old time.  His mom said he talks about Viv all the time.
It was nice though, not having to worry much about what they were doing, having conversation with another adult female.  I have like ONE friend I talk to on a regular basis, not much of an outgoing meet-new-people type.  She's the same, and we ended up having a lot to talk about.
Tomorrow we're all meeting up at Hershey Park, assuming the rain clears out.  We bought season passes and I was telling his dad about how much more affordable it is with the pass; he ended up buying some for their family too.  My best friend's also going to be there so we'll have a nice little group.
I'm just happy to be able to give my kids a chance to socialize more than I had.  If it wasn't with someone who lived in the development, I didn't get to go to a friend's house until I was in the 3rd grade.  And even then it was very rare.  I want to give the girls every chance to succeed. I can already tell Viv is following in my footsteps though; in school I was surrounded by male friends, even when I was her age.  The fact that two of her best friends in school are boys just proves it lol.  I can't blame her though, Bryce is the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
He gets her book bag for her at school, gets her folder out.  They walk to the front door together.  Today Schy had trouble getting off the trampoline, he jumped down and helped get her down!  His parents are definitely raising a well-mannered man.
Well, off to bed since tomorrow's going to be busy.  Happy Easter all!!

I Swore I Wouldn't Do It

I always said I would never use a tanning bed in my life.  That, because I tan so naturally, I would just let the sun do it's job.  Yeah, so about that.  Tuesday I broke that promise lol.  What's the point of paying for a black card membership to the gym if you don't take advantage?
Tuesday was leg day, Wednesday was ab day.  Ohh, that took some recovery.  I worked 8 hours both nights after spending an hour and a half at the gym.  Owie!  But my abs feel better today, and since it's been a week that I've cut out soda, I decided to hop on the scale and whip out the measuring tape.  One week of no soda and hitting the gym three times...that little bit showed results!

BEFORE                                                                                                     AFTER

          

Weight:  166 lbs                                                                                             Weight:  164 lbs
Left Arm:  13 inches                                                                                     Left Arm:  13 inches
Right Arm:  13 inches                                                                                   Right Arm:  13.5 inches

Bust:  37 inches                                                                                               Bust:  36 inches
Belly:  35 inches                                                                                              Belly:  33 inches
Hips:  39 inches                                                                                               Hips:  38 inches
Left Thigh:  25.5 inches                                                                                Left Thigh:  24 inches
Right Thigh:  25.5 inches                                                                              Right Thigh:  24.5 inches

Left Calf:  16 inches                                                                                        Left Calf:  16.5 inches

Right Calf:  17 inches                                                                                      Right Calf:  16.5 inches

As you can see, it's not HUGE progress, but it's progress.  My TruWeight & Energy supplements came in the mail today, so beginning tomorrow I'll be taking those for a month to see if I notice any more difference.  But so far, in one week I managed to lose two pounds and a total of six inches (and with only seven minutes in the tanning bed you can see I'm a bit darker)!  I'll take it!
We heard from our ceremony/reception venue this week.  We'd been waiting for Doris (the owner of the Hotel) to get back to us with menu options.  We'd already decided on a more casual meal; we're having a mid-day celebration so that we'll be able to be on the road by 6PM for our honeymoon (let's face it, we don't get much time off work before peak starts and Canada is a good 5.5 hour drive, assuming we don't get held up at the border!).
But Doris called, one of her options is just what we were looking for, their Hotel's signature burger, cut in half.  Three big boats of fries.  Veggie and fruit trays.  To feed 50 people would be between $450-$600.  If everyone comes that we invite, there may end up being a bit more than 50, but considering there's a good bit of kids, I think 2 should count as 1 lol.  Much below budget!  We're thinking of asking if they can throw in a few dozen hot wings too.  That would be the perfect meal for him and I, considering our first date ended up with dinner at McDonald's!!  

Viv has had softball practice twice this week.  Tuesday I didn't get to be there, darn work.  Thursday I called off and took her, only for it to be rained out after twenty minutes.  But she is doing really good at pitching.  She's getting much better at batting.  Got two balls stuck in the fence!!  Very proud mama here.  She's just gotta work on her catching yet.
We got the sneak peek of their lovely Easter photos from Jessica Snider Photography last night.  Absolutely beautiful!!!  

So in love <3

Fat Girl Going Skinny

My goal for this wedding is to look pretty.  This is going to be painful!  Lol.
I've stopped drinking soda.  Mountain Dew was my addiction, my only addiction in life.  This has been day #2 of only drinking water (and a little milk with breakfast).  Been putting Mio Energy into my water to give it some extra flavor...so far it's working, haven't had any unbearable cravings.  Had a little crash earlier today...well, more like I laid my head on Jeff's lap after dinner and woke up two hours later.
I ordered TruWeight & Energy, an appetite suppressor and energy supplement.  A friend of mine has had great success with it, without incorporating any special dieting or exercise.  With my goal plan, I may be at my goal weight of 130 by October!  *Fingers crossed*
Joined Planet Fitness, actually went there for the first time today.  30 minutes doing HIIT on the elliptical machine, then 15 minutes of aerobic-setting on the exercise bike, then another 30 minutes split between the rowing machine, shoulder press and lat pulldown to work on my arms (using 45 lb weights).  Then finally 50 reps on the ab machine using 45 lb weights.
Ready to throw up?  Lol.  I had to cut my face out of these because I am THAT ashamed.  You'll see my tats though, that's your proof it's me ;)
I'm starting my journey at close to my highest weight (equal to where I was when I was about 7-8 months pregnant with baby #3).  I am 166 lbs as of yesterday when I weighed myself (haven't gotten a measuring tape to do measurements yet).  These are my before pictures...hopefully there will be nice progress down the road!

I still look pregnant, and after I eat it's worse.  Which is depressing.  You can see my muffin top in my wedding dress and I can't keep my eyes off of it.
I'm going to be trying the It Works! wrap in a few weeks; by hosting a party I am earning a free one.  I'm also going to be signing up for BeachBody, looking at the TurboFire program.  I've ordered samples of the Shakeology shakes to try as well; if I like them, I may continue taking them.

For now, I'm just trying healthier eating, actually attempting to eat three meals a day (I usually only have 1-2).  Breakfast today was a fried egg with a sprinkle of cheddar cheese.  Lunch was the most amazing salad I've ever had, a Turkey Club from Saladworks (post gym meal).  Dinner consisted of Cheeseburger Macaroni, Salad, and Lemon Pepper Broccoli.  Although I did have a Little Debbie brownie for dessert.  I'm out of peanut butter and couldn't figure out anything else small to curb the sweet craving.
Soooo, in other news.  Wedding stuffs!
Jeff's band came in the mail.  Fits perfectly, amazing condition.  He loves it, so I'm quite happy.  Sitting in the jewelry box on our bookshelf in the bedroom until the big day.
My best friend found her dress!  So all the ladies in the wedding's apparel is purchased!

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy hectic day.  The girls are getting their Easter pictures done at 1:00.  Our photographer, Jessica Snider, is amazing.  She did our Christmas family portraits.  Word is, Easter photos will have fresh flowers and live bunnies!

Almost immediately after pictures, we have a softball skill drill.  Viv's first time playing, so we'll see how she is and how she likes it.  Fortunately, a friend of hers from school is on her team so she'll feel comfortable with her!  There are 4 teams in her age division for Dillsburg...she is #1 on Team 3.  There's yet another lucky number 13 for me!

Afterward, of course, Mommy has to make dinner and go to work, while Daddy takes the girls to a birthday party!  Another little friend from school, Mario, is having his party at the Coliseum, and Schylar was also invited to receive a card for the arcade and to bowl.  She is uber excited to be included with the big kids.
Then this week we go into full swing for softball, practice twice a week.  April 11th is officially the first day of softball, they'll have their parade through town.  So proud of my baby for jumping in and trying something new!  I'm sure she'll have a blast.  

Dun Dun Da Dun

I made a lemon shaker pie to celebrate Pie Day.  The outside ring of crust burnt.  It was in for less time than the recipe called.  WTF?  Really -_-
Anyway, the true reason of why I'm here is to announce:  I'M GETTING MARRIED!
It wasn't a romantic proposal.  I guess I'm 0/3 with that.  But we'd been talking about, and I said that within the next year I either wanted to get married or start trying for a baby.  He took his time deciding, but eventually said let's get married.  Poured me a glass of wine, himself a shot of Jack, we said "Cheers" and made it official.
So far plans are going good.  We chose October 31, 2015 (Halloween wedding, of course!) as the official date.  Doing a fall-themed wedding with a masquerade Halloween reception.  We've gotten the guest list finalized.  I actually found both my wedding dress (red) and the girls dresses (Viv's is a coral/orange and Schy's is yellow).  Ordered his wedding ring.  Printed our save the date cards.  Picked our venue and photographer.  And so far, spent under $200!

Made the Save the Dates myself with use of the trial of Paint Shop Pro X7 they have on their website.  My best friend had some cardstock leftover from her wedding invitations and she was able to print them for me, costing me $0.
The girls dresses are actually Easter dresses from Boscov's, but they were the perfect colors for my theme.  They were on sale 40% off so I couldn't say no!
My dress I found at a locally owned dress shop, Pretty Woman.  After going to nine bridal and gown shops, I was ready to give up for the day.  Alicia and I decided to stop at the Colonial Park Mall since it was near where she lived and sure enough, we saw a red formal gown hanging in the window.  I liked it, but as I made my way to the back of the store, fell in love with THE dress.  Of course I won't post photos of that in case my fiancee stumbles across my blog.  It's simple, but elegant.  It's form-fitting but flowy.  And it was only $130!
I'm considering joining Planet Fitness to try to get in better shape (and tanning is a bonus of course)!  Alicia has been going and LOVES her gym.  My problem is having enough free time to go to the gym.  I could go while Viv is in school and just drop Schylar off at Pappy's for a few hours.
The girls have spent two weekends in a row having sleepovers with their pappy.  They absolutely love it, and I know he enjoys the company.  Since my mom passed away, he's pretty much all alone at the house.  Having their chaos for a few hours is a nice change.
Hoping since it's starting to warm up, that we'll be able to venture up to the Hotel we're having our ceremony and reception at so I can take pictures and start planning decorations.  I've been loving Pinterest for the ideas there!
Our honeymoon...that was a surprise.  Wasn't planning on taking one at all honestly.  We recently signed up with Ambit Energy to save money on our electric by having them be our direct supplier.  As a user, we earn travel rewards for every kWh of electric we use.  As a bonus, when you sign up they provide an expense paid accommodation of 3 days/2 nights at one of a select list of locations.  If our budget stays on track, we'll be spending a bit more to get passport cards and heading to Niagara Falls

If our budgeting isn't quite as wonderful, then we'll stick to somewhere a bit closer to home, the Poconos!

Considering I hadn't initially imagined we would have the extra $$$ to get away, either would be amazing.  I haven't been to Canada since I was 4 years old though, and somehow didn't realize it was only 5.5 hours away, so that is my top pick!
It's a wonderful thing that he is getting involved in planning though.  I had initially thought of having a Halloween themed reception.  My best friend suggested masquerade masks instead so people wouldn't need to worry with whole costumes.  When I suggested that to him, he was ecstatic.  Apparently he's always wanted to have a masquerade party, but never had the reason.  Now we do ;)

He also started talking about wedding bands, and what he wanted.  We're both nerds, let's face it.  He liked the idea of having a ring like in The Lord of the Rings.  Something with the engraving:  Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.  After reading the translation, I was sold...it means: One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.  Thought it was rather cute the find and bind for a wedding band.  Anyways, found this little beauty:

On Ebay, of all places, on sale for $14 plus free shipping!  Normally a $50-$60 ring.  And it's tungsten, so it's good quality, not cheap.  It's ordered and should be delivered this week.  So I guess we're off to a pretty good start!
The hotel is not charging us for use of the venue, just the food.  He knows the owner, his first job was actually working for her at the hotel.  She's working up a couple menu options for us that won't break the budget but are the kind of foods we like.  I'm not against having burgers and hot wings at my wedding reception...yes, I'm that girl lol.

Well, I guess as of now this blog is taking a turn towards being a wedding-on-a-budget blog!  Our goal is under $2500 and we're well on track now with the major items being well under what was budgeted for!

Rest in Paradise

She's gone.  My mother passed away on February 7th, early in the morning although the "official" time of death is approximately 9:45 AM.
Audrey was there to greet her.  For days, my dad felt it around the house.  Doors opening that were shut tight.  Just a feeling, thinking you see someone walking around a corner. I visited with her on Thursday, which had been Schylar's birthday.  We had gone out for dinner and I brought my dad a plate back.  Mom hadn't been eating.  She slept the whole time, but it felt like a disturbed sleep.
My aunt and uncle visited Friday night, and the oddest thing happened.  My aunt does not believe in the supernatural, or didn't at the time.  There was a puff of smoke in the kitchen, and then she exclaimed, "It's Audrey!  She's come to take grandma home!"  She saw my daughter's apparition in the kitchen of my parents house.  My dad's best friend (who I call my uncle) saw something similar outside just a couple days before.  I wasn't fortunate enough to be witness...
My dad texted me Friday night that he thought her time was soon coming to an end.
Saturday morning, I had set my alarm early so that I would have enough time to get the girls ready and have breakfast before Alicia came over.  We were celebrating Schylar's birthday that day, she had plans to take them to an indoor glow-in-the-dark mini golf course and I was going to get the cake and balloons in the meantime.  Within minutes of waking up, I received the phone call from my dad that she had passed.
She was up around 2:30AM and he had given her medicine to her.  Said he finally fell asleep around 3:30 and when he woke up around 7:30, she was in the exact same position, eyes open.  Cold to the touch, not breathing.  My mother had filled out a do-not-resuscitate.  He called my brother, my uncle, and myself before calling hospice.  We got there and had enough time to say our goodbyes before hospice got there.
I know she's in a better place.  I don't think it's fully hit me yet that she's gone.  My dad, my brother, my poor grandma are forced to accept it because they're there all the time.  I'm not, I have my own place far enough away that I'm not around all the time.  The girls took it hard.  They were told grandma is in heaven with Audrey, but I don't think it hit them until they saw her urn.  Saw that she wasn't physically in the house anymore.
The only positive thing I think that has come out of losing my mom is that my relationship with my father has gotten so much better.  I can actually talk to him about things now, life goals, plans.  Something I just never felt comfortable doing before because I know some mom wouldn't have approved of (like having another child or moving away).  On the ride to the funeral home to get the urns, my dad and I talked about the past...before everything bad ever happened.  My childhood, how him and mom met.  I'm 26 years old and had never heard the story of how they met before!
He's also a lot more active.  Granted, he has to be now, but still.  He's doing laundry, dishes, cleaning.  Tomorrow he's picking the girls up to take them out for lunch and they are just SO excited for their date with pappy.  Viv has only ever had that once before (when Schy and I took mom for her wig); Schy has never had a pappy date before.
He's talked about moving with us next year when we go to Florida, and I'm happy to hear that.  His brother is in Florida, not far from where we plan to move.  He has friends in Florida.  So he'll be able to visit with others, not just us.
The girls started at a babysitter this week.  They've actually done really well so I'm happy with that.  I'm very thankful the amazing company I work for gave me off all last week for bereavement, 3/5 days are paid.  Seriously, Amazon has the most amazing benefits, I couldn't ask for better!
Jeff's looking at going back to school in the fall.  He's wanted to go for video game design, and it just happens to be one of the programs Amazon covers.  They will pay 95% tuition up to $3,000 per year for him to go. Then I'm sure he can get a grant from the VA for the rest as a veteran benefit.  I've considered it too given those options, not sure if I wanted to go back for accounting or just do a medical assistant program.  I have time to decide.
Viv has received her second report card.  She is excelling in almost all areas.  She is a math whiz though.  We just finished the subtraction chapter (probably helps I taught her before she was even in school) but she got all 100's on her work sheets.  Just had circles because she doesn't always cross off the objects to show her work.
My dad asked to start a fundraiser page to help cover the costs of mom's funeral.  So far, it's been live for 5 days.  Our awesome family and friends have donated $400 so far.  We are extremely blessed.  If you can assist at all, go here.  Thank you in advance.

Breaking Down

It's 11:00PM.  I have plans early tomorrow morning and I should be going to bed but I know I'll just toss and turn because there's too much on my mind and I'm just losing grip.
Took some time this evening to visit with my parents.  I hate to say it, but it's becoming so hard to do.  My mom...she's gone.  Mentally, she's not there, and I never thought I'd have to deal with that.  The cancer, yes it was killing her, I never thought it would kill her mind before her body.
They'd asked me to do their taxes so I was gathering up the typical information I would need and I asked for her social security number.  Something she could normally rattle off the top of her head, along with my dad's.  She starts off, and then loses it.  She ends up giving me an 11-digit number, some of which was repeating so I asked if she didn't mean without the repetition?  She starts flipping out on me and screaming at me that no, I was wrong.  Takes the pen and paper to write it down herself.  When she hands it back, she has 17 numbers written down...5/6 of the last digits were 4's repeating.
I gave up and asked my dad just to get her card down from the safe.  Turns out, it's not in there.  Wasn't in her wallet either, along with all of her other important cards.  Luckily he found one with everybody's written down...but yeah.  I was frustrated.  I'm angry at myself for getting frustrated, this is the last chance I'll have to spend with her.  But when she's constantly yelling at my dad, who is doing everything he can to help her...it's hard.
Vivienne knows what's going on.  But the kids...they don't have a grip on the reality of it.  They come over, they hop on their games and disappear to another world.
I'm worried about my dad.  He's been dependent on my mom so long, and now the exact opposite has happened.  They've been married 34 years this year.  I'm worried how he will be without her around.  I have this dream that we will all move to Florida and he can just stay with us, but I don't know how soon that will become a reality.
I don't know if my day-to-day is a dream or reality anymore.  I love Jeff with everything.  I want nothing more than to get married and start a family.  But as time goes by, nothing happens.  And now he's completely avoiding the topics.  His reasoning for not getting married: "We're broke, I don't want to do it half-assed."  His reasoning for not having a baby: "We're broke, I don't want to lose sleep."
Money = not an issue.  Within three weeks, I'll have my tax return that will pay off every debt we have, minus the new car.  Wedding?  I'd prefer to get married around the time we met (October) so that's going to be some time away...time to save up money.  And I don't know what he plans for a wedding...some huge big deal with everyone we know present?  I finally snapped on him and maybe opened his eyes.  My mom will be dead any day now.  God forbid, I don't know how much longer my dad will be around after that.  I don't get along with my aunts and uncles and cousins.  I have a brother and two friends that I would invite to a wedding...tops.  And the reality is, his family probably won't come up from Florida and Alabama.  So he'd have one sister here, maybe his cousin (they're not currently on speaking terms).  And then his friends.  Soooo, not really that big of a hoopla!
Would I love to have a nice wedding with the dress and leaves lining the altar and handmade centerpieces and a cute Halloween-theme reception?  Absolutely!  It would be amazing.  But then I think of how empty my side would be, while everyone's congratulating him, I'd be sitting there alone.  Supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life...I don't see that balancing well.
As for a baby...he says about losing sleep.  It's ok if he stays up all night, gets about 2-3 hours of sleep because he's playing a video game.  But God forbid I want to have another child before I turn 30 and the risks start going up for down syndrome.  Or, before the girls get too much older that they'll be so far apart in age.  My "baby" is turning 4 next week...
And of course I can't talk about any of this with him because he doesn't want to hear the topics, doesn't want to hear my opinions.  "It's becoming an every day thing" he says...well, maybe if you would give me a real answer instead of brushing it aside with a bullshit excuse, I'd accept it!
Tonight he went to bed without saying goodnight.  Most of the time he doesn't come to bed at all, just passes out on the couch.
I just feel so empty right now, and the only person I want to turn to is being the most distant he can be.  He's lost his parents, his adopted ones that raised him.  He should know the pain and be able to comfort me more...I just feel alone.