I Swore I Wouldn't Do It

I always said I would never use a tanning bed in my life.  That, because I tan so naturally, I would just let the sun do it's job.  Yeah, so about that.  Tuesday I broke that promise lol.  What's the point of paying for a black card membership to the gym if you don't take advantage?
Tuesday was leg day, Wednesday was ab day.  Ohh, that took some recovery.  I worked 8 hours both nights after spending an hour and a half at the gym.  Owie!  But my abs feel better today, and since it's been a week that I've cut out soda, I decided to hop on the scale and whip out the measuring tape.  One week of no soda and hitting the gym three times...that little bit showed results!

BEFORE                                                                                                     AFTER

          

Weight:  166 lbs                                                                                             Weight:  164 lbs
Left Arm:  13 inches                                                                                     Left Arm:  13 inches
Right Arm:  13 inches                                                                                   Right Arm:  13.5 inches

Bust:  37 inches                                                                                               Bust:  36 inches
Belly:  35 inches                                                                                              Belly:  33 inches
Hips:  39 inches                                                                                               Hips:  38 inches
Left Thigh:  25.5 inches                                                                                Left Thigh:  24 inches
Right Thigh:  25.5 inches                                                                              Right Thigh:  24.5 inches

Left Calf:  16 inches                                                                                        Left Calf:  16.5 inches

Right Calf:  17 inches                                                                                      Right Calf:  16.5 inches

As you can see, it's not HUGE progress, but it's progress.  My TruWeight & Energy supplements came in the mail today, so beginning tomorrow I'll be taking those for a month to see if I notice any more difference.  But so far, in one week I managed to lose two pounds and a total of six inches (and with only seven minutes in the tanning bed you can see I'm a bit darker)!  I'll take it!
We heard from our ceremony/reception venue this week.  We'd been waiting for Doris (the owner of the Hotel) to get back to us with menu options.  We'd already decided on a more casual meal; we're having a mid-day celebration so that we'll be able to be on the road by 6PM for our honeymoon (let's face it, we don't get much time off work before peak starts and Canada is a good 5.5 hour drive, assuming we don't get held up at the border!).
But Doris called, one of her options is just what we were looking for, their Hotel's signature burger, cut in half.  Three big boats of fries.  Veggie and fruit trays.  To feed 50 people would be between $450-$600.  If everyone comes that we invite, there may end up being a bit more than 50, but considering there's a good bit of kids, I think 2 should count as 1 lol.  Much below budget!  We're thinking of asking if they can throw in a few dozen hot wings too.  That would be the perfect meal for him and I, considering our first date ended up with dinner at McDonald's!!  

Viv has had softball practice twice this week.  Tuesday I didn't get to be there, darn work.  Thursday I called off and took her, only for it to be rained out after twenty minutes.  But she is doing really good at pitching.  She's getting much better at batting.  Got two balls stuck in the fence!!  Very proud mama here.  She's just gotta work on her catching yet.
We got the sneak peek of their lovely Easter photos from Jessica Snider Photography last night.  Absolutely beautiful!!!  

So in love <3

Fat Girl Going Skinny

My goal for this wedding is to look pretty.  This is going to be painful!  Lol.
I've stopped drinking soda.  Mountain Dew was my addiction, my only addiction in life.  This has been day #2 of only drinking water (and a little milk with breakfast).  Been putting Mio Energy into my water to give it some extra flavor...so far it's working, haven't had any unbearable cravings.  Had a little crash earlier today...well, more like I laid my head on Jeff's lap after dinner and woke up two hours later.
I ordered TruWeight & Energy, an appetite suppressor and energy supplement.  A friend of mine has had great success with it, without incorporating any special dieting or exercise.  With my goal plan, I may be at my goal weight of 130 by October!  *Fingers crossed*
Joined Planet Fitness, actually went there for the first time today.  30 minutes doing HIIT on the elliptical machine, then 15 minutes of aerobic-setting on the exercise bike, then another 30 minutes split between the rowing machine, shoulder press and lat pulldown to work on my arms (using 45 lb weights).  Then finally 50 reps on the ab machine using 45 lb weights.
Ready to throw up?  Lol.  I had to cut my face out of these because I am THAT ashamed.  You'll see my tats though, that's your proof it's me ;)
I'm starting my journey at close to my highest weight (equal to where I was when I was about 7-8 months pregnant with baby #3).  I am 166 lbs as of yesterday when I weighed myself (haven't gotten a measuring tape to do measurements yet).  These are my before pictures...hopefully there will be nice progress down the road!

I still look pregnant, and after I eat it's worse.  Which is depressing.  You can see my muffin top in my wedding dress and I can't keep my eyes off of it.
I'm going to be trying the It Works! wrap in a few weeks; by hosting a party I am earning a free one.  I'm also going to be signing up for BeachBody, looking at the TurboFire program.  I've ordered samples of the Shakeology shakes to try as well; if I like them, I may continue taking them.

For now, I'm just trying healthier eating, actually attempting to eat three meals a day (I usually only have 1-2).  Breakfast today was a fried egg with a sprinkle of cheddar cheese.  Lunch was the most amazing salad I've ever had, a Turkey Club from Saladworks (post gym meal).  Dinner consisted of Cheeseburger Macaroni, Salad, and Lemon Pepper Broccoli.  Although I did have a Little Debbie brownie for dessert.  I'm out of peanut butter and couldn't figure out anything else small to curb the sweet craving.
Soooo, in other news.  Wedding stuffs!
Jeff's band came in the mail.  Fits perfectly, amazing condition.  He loves it, so I'm quite happy.  Sitting in the jewelry box on our bookshelf in the bedroom until the big day.
My best friend found her dress!  So all the ladies in the wedding's apparel is purchased!

Tomorrow is going to be a crazy hectic day.  The girls are getting their Easter pictures done at 1:00.  Our photographer, Jessica Snider, is amazing.  She did our Christmas family portraits.  Word is, Easter photos will have fresh flowers and live bunnies!

Almost immediately after pictures, we have a softball skill drill.  Viv's first time playing, so we'll see how she is and how she likes it.  Fortunately, a friend of hers from school is on her team so she'll feel comfortable with her!  There are 4 teams in her age division for Dillsburg...she is #1 on Team 3.  There's yet another lucky number 13 for me!

Afterward, of course, Mommy has to make dinner and go to work, while Daddy takes the girls to a birthday party!  Another little friend from school, Mario, is having his party at the Coliseum, and Schylar was also invited to receive a card for the arcade and to bowl.  She is uber excited to be included with the big kids.
Then this week we go into full swing for softball, practice twice a week.  April 11th is officially the first day of softball, they'll have their parade through town.  So proud of my baby for jumping in and trying something new!  I'm sure she'll have a blast.  

Dun Dun Da Dun

I made a lemon shaker pie to celebrate Pie Day.  The outside ring of crust burnt.  It was in for less time than the recipe called.  WTF?  Really -_-
Anyway, the true reason of why I'm here is to announce:  I'M GETTING MARRIED!
It wasn't a romantic proposal.  I guess I'm 0/3 with that.  But we'd been talking about, and I said that within the next year I either wanted to get married or start trying for a baby.  He took his time deciding, but eventually said let's get married.  Poured me a glass of wine, himself a shot of Jack, we said "Cheers" and made it official.
So far plans are going good.  We chose October 31, 2015 (Halloween wedding, of course!) as the official date.  Doing a fall-themed wedding with a masquerade Halloween reception.  We've gotten the guest list finalized.  I actually found both my wedding dress (red) and the girls dresses (Viv's is a coral/orange and Schy's is yellow).  Ordered his wedding ring.  Printed our save the date cards.  Picked our venue and photographer.  And so far, spent under $200!

Made the Save the Dates myself with use of the trial of Paint Shop Pro X7 they have on their website.  My best friend had some cardstock leftover from her wedding invitations and she was able to print them for me, costing me $0.
The girls dresses are actually Easter dresses from Boscov's, but they were the perfect colors for my theme.  They were on sale 40% off so I couldn't say no!
My dress I found at a locally owned dress shop, Pretty Woman.  After going to nine bridal and gown shops, I was ready to give up for the day.  Alicia and I decided to stop at the Colonial Park Mall since it was near where she lived and sure enough, we saw a red formal gown hanging in the window.  I liked it, but as I made my way to the back of the store, fell in love with THE dress.  Of course I won't post photos of that in case my fiancee stumbles across my blog.  It's simple, but elegant.  It's form-fitting but flowy.  And it was only $130!
I'm considering joining Planet Fitness to try to get in better shape (and tanning is a bonus of course)!  Alicia has been going and LOVES her gym.  My problem is having enough free time to go to the gym.  I could go while Viv is in school and just drop Schylar off at Pappy's for a few hours.
The girls have spent two weekends in a row having sleepovers with their pappy.  They absolutely love it, and I know he enjoys the company.  Since my mom passed away, he's pretty much all alone at the house.  Having their chaos for a few hours is a nice change.
Hoping since it's starting to warm up, that we'll be able to venture up to the Hotel we're having our ceremony and reception at so I can take pictures and start planning decorations.  I've been loving Pinterest for the ideas there!
Our honeymoon...that was a surprise.  Wasn't planning on taking one at all honestly.  We recently signed up with Ambit Energy to save money on our electric by having them be our direct supplier.  As a user, we earn travel rewards for every kWh of electric we use.  As a bonus, when you sign up they provide an expense paid accommodation of 3 days/2 nights at one of a select list of locations.  If our budget stays on track, we'll be spending a bit more to get passport cards and heading to Niagara Falls

If our budgeting isn't quite as wonderful, then we'll stick to somewhere a bit closer to home, the Poconos!

Considering I hadn't initially imagined we would have the extra $$$ to get away, either would be amazing.  I haven't been to Canada since I was 4 years old though, and somehow didn't realize it was only 5.5 hours away, so that is my top pick!
It's a wonderful thing that he is getting involved in planning though.  I had initially thought of having a Halloween themed reception.  My best friend suggested masquerade masks instead so people wouldn't need to worry with whole costumes.  When I suggested that to him, he was ecstatic.  Apparently he's always wanted to have a masquerade party, but never had the reason.  Now we do ;)

He also started talking about wedding bands, and what he wanted.  We're both nerds, let's face it.  He liked the idea of having a ring like in The Lord of the Rings.  Something with the engraving:  Ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.  After reading the translation, I was sold...it means: One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.  Thought it was rather cute the find and bind for a wedding band.  Anyways, found this little beauty:

On Ebay, of all places, on sale for $14 plus free shipping!  Normally a $50-$60 ring.  And it's tungsten, so it's good quality, not cheap.  It's ordered and should be delivered this week.  So I guess we're off to a pretty good start!
The hotel is not charging us for use of the venue, just the food.  He knows the owner, his first job was actually working for her at the hotel.  She's working up a couple menu options for us that won't break the budget but are the kind of foods we like.  I'm not against having burgers and hot wings at my wedding reception...yes, I'm that girl lol.

Well, I guess as of now this blog is taking a turn towards being a wedding-on-a-budget blog!  Our goal is under $2500 and we're well on track now with the major items being well under what was budgeted for!

Rest in Paradise

She's gone.  My mother passed away on February 7th, early in the morning although the "official" time of death is approximately 9:45 AM.
Audrey was there to greet her.  For days, my dad felt it around the house.  Doors opening that were shut tight.  Just a feeling, thinking you see someone walking around a corner. I visited with her on Thursday, which had been Schylar's birthday.  We had gone out for dinner and I brought my dad a plate back.  Mom hadn't been eating.  She slept the whole time, but it felt like a disturbed sleep.
My aunt and uncle visited Friday night, and the oddest thing happened.  My aunt does not believe in the supernatural, or didn't at the time.  There was a puff of smoke in the kitchen, and then she exclaimed, "It's Audrey!  She's come to take grandma home!"  She saw my daughter's apparition in the kitchen of my parents house.  My dad's best friend (who I call my uncle) saw something similar outside just a couple days before.  I wasn't fortunate enough to be witness...
My dad texted me Friday night that he thought her time was soon coming to an end.
Saturday morning, I had set my alarm early so that I would have enough time to get the girls ready and have breakfast before Alicia came over.  We were celebrating Schylar's birthday that day, she had plans to take them to an indoor glow-in-the-dark mini golf course and I was going to get the cake and balloons in the meantime.  Within minutes of waking up, I received the phone call from my dad that she had passed.
She was up around 2:30AM and he had given her medicine to her.  Said he finally fell asleep around 3:30 and when he woke up around 7:30, she was in the exact same position, eyes open.  Cold to the touch, not breathing.  My mother had filled out a do-not-resuscitate.  He called my brother, my uncle, and myself before calling hospice.  We got there and had enough time to say our goodbyes before hospice got there.
I know she's in a better place.  I don't think it's fully hit me yet that she's gone.  My dad, my brother, my poor grandma are forced to accept it because they're there all the time.  I'm not, I have my own place far enough away that I'm not around all the time.  The girls took it hard.  They were told grandma is in heaven with Audrey, but I don't think it hit them until they saw her urn.  Saw that she wasn't physically in the house anymore.
The only positive thing I think that has come out of losing my mom is that my relationship with my father has gotten so much better.  I can actually talk to him about things now, life goals, plans.  Something I just never felt comfortable doing before because I know some mom wouldn't have approved of (like having another child or moving away).  On the ride to the funeral home to get the urns, my dad and I talked about the past...before everything bad ever happened.  My childhood, how him and mom met.  I'm 26 years old and had never heard the story of how they met before!
He's also a lot more active.  Granted, he has to be now, but still.  He's doing laundry, dishes, cleaning.  Tomorrow he's picking the girls up to take them out for lunch and they are just SO excited for their date with pappy.  Viv has only ever had that once before (when Schy and I took mom for her wig); Schy has never had a pappy date before.
He's talked about moving with us next year when we go to Florida, and I'm happy to hear that.  His brother is in Florida, not far from where we plan to move.  He has friends in Florida.  So he'll be able to visit with others, not just us.
The girls started at a babysitter this week.  They've actually done really well so I'm happy with that.  I'm very thankful the amazing company I work for gave me off all last week for bereavement, 3/5 days are paid.  Seriously, Amazon has the most amazing benefits, I couldn't ask for better!
Jeff's looking at going back to school in the fall.  He's wanted to go for video game design, and it just happens to be one of the programs Amazon covers.  They will pay 95% tuition up to $3,000 per year for him to go. Then I'm sure he can get a grant from the VA for the rest as a veteran benefit.  I've considered it too given those options, not sure if I wanted to go back for accounting or just do a medical assistant program.  I have time to decide.
Viv has received her second report card.  She is excelling in almost all areas.  She is a math whiz though.  We just finished the subtraction chapter (probably helps I taught her before she was even in school) but she got all 100's on her work sheets.  Just had circles because she doesn't always cross off the objects to show her work.
My dad asked to start a fundraiser page to help cover the costs of mom's funeral.  So far, it's been live for 5 days.  Our awesome family and friends have donated $400 so far.  We are extremely blessed.  If you can assist at all, go here.  Thank you in advance.

Breaking Down

It's 11:00PM.  I have plans early tomorrow morning and I should be going to bed but I know I'll just toss and turn because there's too much on my mind and I'm just losing grip.
Took some time this evening to visit with my parents.  I hate to say it, but it's becoming so hard to do.  My mom...she's gone.  Mentally, she's not there, and I never thought I'd have to deal with that.  The cancer, yes it was killing her, I never thought it would kill her mind before her body.
They'd asked me to do their taxes so I was gathering up the typical information I would need and I asked for her social security number.  Something she could normally rattle off the top of her head, along with my dad's.  She starts off, and then loses it.  She ends up giving me an 11-digit number, some of which was repeating so I asked if she didn't mean without the repetition?  She starts flipping out on me and screaming at me that no, I was wrong.  Takes the pen and paper to write it down herself.  When she hands it back, she has 17 numbers written down...5/6 of the last digits were 4's repeating.
I gave up and asked my dad just to get her card down from the safe.  Turns out, it's not in there.  Wasn't in her wallet either, along with all of her other important cards.  Luckily he found one with everybody's written down...but yeah.  I was frustrated.  I'm angry at myself for getting frustrated, this is the last chance I'll have to spend with her.  But when she's constantly yelling at my dad, who is doing everything he can to help her...it's hard.
Vivienne knows what's going on.  But the kids...they don't have a grip on the reality of it.  They come over, they hop on their games and disappear to another world.
I'm worried about my dad.  He's been dependent on my mom so long, and now the exact opposite has happened.  They've been married 34 years this year.  I'm worried how he will be without her around.  I have this dream that we will all move to Florida and he can just stay with us, but I don't know how soon that will become a reality.
I don't know if my day-to-day is a dream or reality anymore.  I love Jeff with everything.  I want nothing more than to get married and start a family.  But as time goes by, nothing happens.  And now he's completely avoiding the topics.  His reasoning for not getting married: "We're broke, I don't want to do it half-assed."  His reasoning for not having a baby: "We're broke, I don't want to lose sleep."
Money = not an issue.  Within three weeks, I'll have my tax return that will pay off every debt we have, minus the new car.  Wedding?  I'd prefer to get married around the time we met (October) so that's going to be some time away...time to save up money.  And I don't know what he plans for a wedding...some huge big deal with everyone we know present?  I finally snapped on him and maybe opened his eyes.  My mom will be dead any day now.  God forbid, I don't know how much longer my dad will be around after that.  I don't get along with my aunts and uncles and cousins.  I have a brother and two friends that I would invite to a wedding...tops.  And the reality is, his family probably won't come up from Florida and Alabama.  So he'd have one sister here, maybe his cousin (they're not currently on speaking terms).  And then his friends.  Soooo, not really that big of a hoopla!
Would I love to have a nice wedding with the dress and leaves lining the altar and handmade centerpieces and a cute Halloween-theme reception?  Absolutely!  It would be amazing.  But then I think of how empty my side would be, while everyone's congratulating him, I'd be sitting there alone.  Supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life...I don't see that balancing well.
As for a baby...he says about losing sleep.  It's ok if he stays up all night, gets about 2-3 hours of sleep because he's playing a video game.  But God forbid I want to have another child before I turn 30 and the risks start going up for down syndrome.  Or, before the girls get too much older that they'll be so far apart in age.  My "baby" is turning 4 next week...
And of course I can't talk about any of this with him because he doesn't want to hear the topics, doesn't want to hear my opinions.  "It's becoming an every day thing" he says...well, maybe if you would give me a real answer instead of brushing it aside with a bullshit excuse, I'd accept it!
Tonight he went to bed without saying goodnight.  Most of the time he doesn't come to bed at all, just passes out on the couch.
I just feel so empty right now, and the only person I want to turn to is being the most distant he can be.  He's lost his parents, his adopted ones that raised him.  He should know the pain and be able to comfort me more...I just feel alone.

Battle...Lost

It's official...and I can't post anything on facebook because she wants to keep it quiet while she passes.  But my mom has lost the fight with cancer.
They stopped her chemotherapy, and she started hospice last Thursday.  The doctor said it could be two days, two weeks, two months.  But it won't be long.  At this point she's considered stage 5 cancer, which is irreversible.
They told my brother, who had no emotional reaction whatsoever.  Maybe he's still in denial...who knows?  They didn't want to tell me because they knew how hard I would take it.  I've always been mommy's girl.  All this as I was dropping off the girls to head in to work.
Left work after two hours and came home.  Dad tried explaining to Viv that grandma would soon be going to heaven to be with Audrey.  He also asked me about the odds of us being able to move back in to the house.  He won't be able to keep it going, keep it clean.  Plus it's 3-bedroom, which he won't need if it's just him.
I said that we'd just renewed our lease for another year.  We requested a transfer into a 3-bedroom.  If he would choose to sell the house, he could come stay with us if we can get transferred.  But then I also said about our dream of moving to Florida next year...and that he would be able to come with.  Realistically next year is the soonest that move could occur; our credit is going to get fixed up this year with income tax returns so that hopefully next year it's good enough to get approved for a mortgage.
It's all just so much.  I called Alicia on the way to work...she cried on the phone with me.  Chrissy helped, she always seems to know the right things to say.  But she'll be moving to KY soon.
Jeff...I don't know if it struck a note with him because he wasn't able to be around when his parents passed...but he was distant.  When I need him the most, him not comforting me hurts.
My mom doesn't want people to know, doesn't want everyone stopping by and reminiscing and "praying" because at this rate...prayers can't help her anymore.  She wants to go peacefully.  I can't even picture my life without having my mom in it, who to call when things get rough, when I have a question, when Viv does something spectacular in school and I want to brag to someone who will be just as proud as me.
She won't even get to see Schylar on her first day of school...Vivi's first softball game (following in her grandma's footsteps) which will be this spring.  She wasn't supposed to go this soon...she's too young.

October 27, 2014

I guess I'm doing as well keeping up this blog as my last one.  In the times I really need to get words out, they just never come.
I return to work next week.  I've been off for three months now.  I work for possibly the most flexible company ever.  And for as stressful financially as it was at first, we have been able to catch back up on all our bills recently and are starting saving for Christmas shopping.
I guess I should just say it, although it's been hard to place grips on.  My mom, my rock...was diagnosed with stage 4 lung and kidney cancer.  The tumor was taking up 25% of her lung.  And she is continuously getting fluid around her heart, which they haven't found a cause for as of yet, but keep draining.
My mom is potentially dying.  It was extremely hard to grip at first.  Who would I turn to for help?  Who would I call to brag about the awesome things going on for Viv in school?  Selfishly, who would watch the girls for me so I could continue working?
Work gave me the option of taking personal leave for up to 12 weeks, and that's what I ended up doing.  I've been able to take mom to appointments.  Go with her wig shopping after she lost most of her hair during chemo.  Take part of the first two months of Viv's kindergarten year.
Working with me with that, Amazon also was able to switch Jeff and me both back over to night shift, which he has been working about a month now.  We'll be on opposite shifts, only working together one night a week.  Since it's at night, my dad's willing to keep the girls for me, as he'll literally just have to give them a snack and plop them in front of the TV for 2.5-3.5 hours until they go to bed.
Things work out.  As of the last X-ray she had, the doctors say her lungs are responding to the treatment.  They haven't said much more than that, but it's progress.  She doesn't cough as much anymore.  Doesn't wheeze as much.  But also doesn't do much at all, hardly gets off the couch.  That's hard for me to see because she's always been such an active woman.
Viv seems to be adjusting well to school.  She's learning to read.  She's made quite a few friends, including a little boyfriend, Brice.  He's a cute little boy; she went to his birthday party last month.  He was allowed to invite three kids from his class, and she was the only girl he chose.
I babysit her new friend, Angelina, once a week for an hour after school.  No pay, but it's fun for all three girls.  Her mom's a single mom and comes from a similar situation as me.  I really get along with her.  Who would have thought kindergarten would have meant new friends for me as well?
Schylar's had some testing done as she still seems to struggle with learning.  They were concerned about her thyroid, since this has been an ongoing issue since she was a baby.  Her tests all came back normal though, so the doctors are saying she is either stubborn as heck, or has ADHD, which they can't diagnose until she's school-age.
So after our holiday season is over and we're back to normal schedules, I'll be looking into a preschool to try to help that issue.  Then dance or gymnastics classes for the girls.  Viv has signed up for Girl Scouts as well; we're waiting for the welcome paperwork for that.
Trying to allow her to test different things to see what she's interested in.  I don't want to be like my parents and say "You HAVE to do this, and can't do ANYTHING else."  I was always disappointed when my best friend went off to cheerleading and I wasn't allowed because I had soccer.  Or when the kids were playing and I had to go to ballet class.
Jeff and I are good.  I don't think I can even put into words how blessed I am to have him.  He's my emotional rock, knows just what to do to make me forget the pain.  But also gives me enough space that I can sort through everything myself.  The girls love him, and some days I have to remind myself he really hasn't been there since conception, because it feels like he has.
He gets off work at 3AM.  Since he can't drive yet, we get home from picking him up around 3:30.  Girls and I go back to sleep.  He stays up for when they wake up, stays up with them until about 9AM when he comes to bed and wakes me up.  That's their daddy-daughters time.  This morning they even convinced him to make M&M/candy corn pancakes for breakfast.  It's nice, knowing he wants that time with them too, and not gonna lie, sleeping in is always a wonderful thing.
It's really amazing how much can change in just two years.  Two years ago tonight, exactly, I was a single girl, not looking for anything but to have fun and focus on raising my two daughters.  Got blown off by some friends and ended up at a party meeting all sorts of new people.  Two years ago tonight, he was a crazy party boy who didn't want kids or marriage, who drove drunk to my friend's house after that party, complaining that his buddy was cock-blocking him and allowing me to sleep on the bigger couch even though he's at least half a foot taller than I.  Who would have guessed that me taking pictures and needing to tag him on facebook, therefore requiring him to add me as a friend, would lead to this?  That randomly, six months later, I would assist him in his driver's license suspension and that he would insist I hang out with him at a car show, because it had a playground the girls would have fun at.  Within a month of that day he had taken us camping, where we had our first kiss.  Met my family and friends, and suffered through buying Barbies for Viv's 4th birthday, therefore winning my attention and the title of boyfriend.  A trip to the beach weeks later, and suddenly I have both children saying daddy and I'm saying "NO NO NO".  But he said it's ok, so I started allowing it.  And in that moment, he took my heart on a silver platter.
Because let's face it, there's two ways to win my heart, through my stomach and through my children.  He's successfully satisfied both now over the last two years.  We have survived moving between 2 states, and moving a total of 3 times at that.  Him being homeless after returning from AL for four months.  His jail time for the DUI, him losing his license till next year.  My mom getting cancer, me leaving work for three months.  Just the simple fact that I'm bipolar.  Add two crazy kids on top of that.  But I can't see it being any other way.    Hopefully at some point in the near future he'll propose and we can move to the next step, but as long as I'm with him, I'm happy.